oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
