Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
