She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
should my penis look like a turkey
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
third nipple confirmed
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Drunk is a universal language darling
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