Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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