Where is the hickey?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
