if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
