My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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