Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
