Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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