why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
