it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
