It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
