chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
