i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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