Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
