If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
