What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
