no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
