Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
