hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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