i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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