We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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