and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
