You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
