there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
