forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
