I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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