Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
