I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
