We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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