No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
