i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
