the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
