Betty ford says i'm here all night
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
