I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
