Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
