and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
