The brown eye won't let me do that either.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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