It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize