I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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