i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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