he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
