She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
