Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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