yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
