a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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