The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
