No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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