Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
