I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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