grandma shit on top of the toilet
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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