Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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