I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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