Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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