How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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