Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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