hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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