Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
