I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
