why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
