if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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