How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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