i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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