The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
