Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
