I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
