So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
