also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
