FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
