I am puke
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
