Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
