Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
