if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
