Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize